


We're in This Together

by reallyrattyray



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: How Do I Tag, Mentioned BTS - Freeform, Pre Debut, angst is the only thing i know how to write, angsty, kai can't sleep, platonic!!!! ot5, soft ending tho, soobin is MY babie, soobin is anxious, soobin is txt's baby, sorry - Freeform, uhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-23 12:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallyrattyray/pseuds/reallyrattyray
Summary: in which soobin panics about debuting days after meeting bts





	We're in This Together

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! just a note,,, for reference this takes place around july of 2018 so like riiiight before the love yourself tour and way before txt was even revealed. please enjoy!

Soobin prided himself as being a pretty calm guy. Like everyone else he got nervous from time to time and even got embarrassed quite a bit, but other than that he is very chill. Serene. Tranquil. Undisturbed. Peaceful. Etc. Etc.

So the fact that he was sat on the floor in the dorm, in the dark, surrounded by various bags of snacks, and damn near having a panic attack was a sign that something was up. Or that’s what Kai thought as he wandered into the kitchen sleepily only to find their leader on the ground like this.

Kai nearly had a heart attack as he flicked the kitchen light on. He basically jumped about 5 feet in the air. “Hyung what the-” he exclaimed, having to stop mid sentence to catch his breath and clutch his heart through his chest. “It’s three in the morning. What are you doing?”

It was a pretty surprising sight to see. Soobin was fist deep in a bag of Tteokbokki crackers with crumbs of various different snacks dusting over his face and completely covering his shirt. If the empty bags on his left were an indicator of anything Kai would say that he’s on his 3rd bag of them. Empty milk containers and brownish paper bags (that looked suspiciously similar to the bags that contained the bread they  _all_  got from the bakery down the street) covered the floor. If not for the fact that Soobin was right in the middle of the chaos Kai would’ve thought that a stray cat had come in and trashed the place.

Soobin looked up from the bag of chips he was currently shoveling into his mouth and for the first time that night—or morning in their case—there was a semblance of emotion in his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed together and the trance he was seemingly in had cracked and was falling apart. “NingNing. . .” he muttered. “Don’t look at me, I’m a mess,” he said turning away, hoping to fall in on himself.

 

No longer than 5 minutes later everybody in the dorm had gathered in their shared living room. Kai, Taehyun, Beomgyu, and Yeonjun were cluttered on the couch, most of them barely awake, while Soobin found himself alone on the loveseat adjacent to them.

Taehyun and Yeonjun were shoulder to shoulder, their heads resting against one anothers as they “tried” their best to stay awake. Beomgyu was slumped backwards and staring up at the ceiling, Soobin wasn’t sure if he knew where he was at the moment. And then there was Kai, the one who had called this emergency meeting, the sleep gone from his eyes and replaced with worry for his leader.

Honestly Soobin was embarrassed. How was he supposed to know that Kai would get thirsty in the middle of the night? He just hoped that nobody would wake up and he could panic eat in the kitchen in peace. But of course fate just isn’t on his side.

He buried his face into his hand as he tried his best to avoid eye contact with the youngest member.

“So, uh Kai, is there a reason you woke us up?” Yeonjun asked, his eye closed. He was a bit frustrated because Kai had woken him just as his dream was reaching its climax. It was disheartening to say the least.

Kai huffed and looked over at the other 3. He nudged Beomgyu with his foot and leaned over so he could gently push Taehyun awake. The latter jumped a bit, which then caused him to knock heads with Yeonjun. They both hissed in pain and pulled back hastily, rubbing their wounds. Taehyun glaring at Kai with a pout.

“I found Soobinie-hyung in the dark stuffing his face with food. He looked...” he paused to try and find his words, glancing over at the aforementioned who flinched as they met eyes, “distressed. I guess?”

At that everybody was wide awake. Yeonjun’s eyebrows jumped to his hairline as the words finally registered in his head. Beomgyu pulled himself forward and gaped at their leader. “Hyung are you okay?” he asked, his tone gentle as if he was trying to ease a wounded animal.

All of their eyes were on Soobin and it made him wriggle around in his seat. He felt small under their, what felt like, harsh gazes. Suddenly his fidgeting fingers became the most interesting things in the world. His mouth stayed shut.

Kai looked over to the other three. His expression yelled “SEE!” Alarms all went off in their heads as their thoughts went into hyperdrive. A conversation spoken only through expressions and exaggerated hand movements went on for longer than any of them would have liked. Their silent argument seemed to go on forever with no clear winner—though Kai was sure that it was him—making the air between them tenser than it was before. This was . . . not good. Not good for Soobin at least.

Again, Soobin generally thought of himself as a rational and calm person; as the leader of their group, of course, he has to be. Sure he gets embarrassed from time to time but then again doesn’t everybody? So as his resolve began to crumble and the thoughts in his head began to get louder and louder he couldn’t help but to wonder  . . . since when did it rain indoors? He raised a shaky hand to his cheeks and the telltale signs of what he was dreading was right there coating his face.

His eyes burned and his nose felt runny and before he knew it tears were unwillingly and uncontrollably streaming down his face and he was struggling to hold his breath in an attempt to stifle his pathetic sobs. It seems that his body had finally caught with his thoughts. All that did was alert the other boys of how his strife worsened.

Taehyun was the first to notice. His big eyes looking worriedly at their leader. “Hyung,” he muttered, sounding breathless. Smacking Yeonjun and Beomgyu’s shoulders, he pointed. They were all taken aback by the sudden tears. They’ve known Soobin for a long time now, but never once have they seen him like this. It was disorienting to say the least.

Yeonjun immediately sprung into action. He pushed himself up from his seat and took his long strides over to the small loveseat where Soobin was. Standing beside him, Yeonjun used a hesitant hand to reach out toward Soobin’s face. The younger of the two flinched away and tried to hide his face in the pillow he was currently clinging to. He didn’t want them to see him like this. He didn’t want them to see how weak he felt.

He feels so heavy. Like his shoulders are holding the weight of the world and then some. His thoughts swarmed to the point that it blocked out every other noise with TV static. His chest was tight and it felt like someone had a grip on his throat and they weren’t going to let go any time soon. A quick glance upwards let him see, what he thought to be were, pitiful glances that only made the tears fall faster and heavier than before. They hated him, he thought. They thought he was weak and unworthy. If only he had held it in. If only he hadn’t left his room. If only he wasn’t such a terrible leader. If only.

If only...

If only...

If only…

If onl-

“-oobin. Soobin. Soobinie please,” Yeonjun whispered.

As things began to sound less like he was under water Soobin began to be more aware of his surroundings. He felt heavy, but in a different way than before.

He blinked and tried to move his arms only for his movement to be restricted. He was being hugged? He was being hugged.

With Soobin in the middle, the other 4 had made their way over to him and trapped him in a slightly uncomfortable pile of limbs, yet it was comforting.

Taehyun sat beside him with his face buried into Soobin’s shoulder and arms wrapped securely around his waist. Yeonjun stood between his legs, his arms around his neck and fingers playing with the ends of his hair. Beomgyu had placed himself on the arm of the loveseat (which Soobin would’ve, in regular circumstances, scolded him for) and was koala hugging his arm. Alike his younger counterpart his face was lost in his shoulder. Finally there was Kai. It took Soobin a second to figure out where he was, yet he wasn’t surprised. Kai had, somehow, managed to wedge himself between Soobin and the couch. He koala hugged him from behind, his legs wrapped around his waist and arms squeezing the life outta him. Honestly it wasn’t an unfamiliar position for the too as Kai had made himself a home on Soobin’s back.

Soobin’s face was buried in Yeonjun’s chest and he could hear how fast his heart was beating.

Soobin melted into all of their touches and could feel the tear flow lightening up. He began to hiccup as he tried his hardest to calm down.

It took a few more minutes before anybody really spoke, the only sound being the muffled sniffles of Soobin against Yeonjun’s shirt; though Soobin was pretty sure he heard someone sniffling along with him. He brushed it off as his ears playing tricks on him.

Though the silence was finally broken by Beomgyu. His grip on Soobin’s arm had considerably loosened until he had completely let go. As he sat back upright he stared down at the cuddle pile before him with a slight frown on his face. Soobin turned his head and looked at him confused. Beomgyu’s frown deepened into a slight pout as he noticed the redness in Soobin’s nose and cheeks.

“Soobin, what’s wrong?” he said. The lack of honorifics took the older by surprise. “Please tell us, we want to help.” His voice sounded small but his words held so much volume and weight.

The other three took this as a sign and let go. Kai began to unravel himself from behind Soobin while Yeonjun—despite the slight whiny protest—took a few steps backwards. Soobin saw the darkened wet patch on Yeonjun’s shirt and cringed a bit. All except for Taehyun, who made himself comfortable at his side, made their way back over to the bigger couch. Not once, though, did they take their eyes off of him.

Taehyun patted Soobin’s shoulder and gave an encouraging smile as he looked over at him. “We’re always here to listen.”

“Yeah!” Kai picked up right after, “We don’t want you to deal with this alone, especially not like how I found you,” he said a bit sheepishly.

Soobin’s face lit up with a more embarrassed glow and he buried his face into the arm of the seat, a light groan leaving his mouth.

Despite his apparent embarrassment Soobin actually wanted to tell them. Their concern was making it easier for him.

Panic ensued as soon as they watched him do that, though. They honestly thought he was about to start crying again.

Beomgyu jumped in quickly. “But it’s okay if you don’t want to talk abo-” he rushed to say, but was ultimately interrupted.

“I just . . .” Soobin trailed off, his voice just barely being able to be heard. It was mostly because of his low volume but the muffle of the pillow wasn’t helping much either. “’m scared guys.”

Silence.

It was so quiet that they could probably hear a pin drop from the next building over.

They all tried to process this. What was there to be scared of?

“Of what?” Beomgyu asked.

Soobin lifted his head up just a bit so that only his bloodshot eyes could be seen. “Debuting.”

Oh. That—that’s what he could be scared of.

That single word seemed to strike a nerve within the other boys. It seems that Soobin’s anxieties were shared, yet he was the first to be vocal—albeit unwillingly—about the whole situation. There was a sort of scary yet exciting buzz around that word that almost every trainee knew the gut wrenching feeling of.

“I’ve never really thought about it much before if I’m being honest,” he started off with a sigh. “But then we met our seniors the other day and it kind of just hit me.”

It wasn’t that long ago that the group had met BTS—about two days ago to be exact. Well, except for Yeonjun. He’d met them a few times before, but that was when he had the pleasure of being Taehyung’s back up dancer for Singularity. Regardless though, the experience was no less as exciting for him as it was the others.

“Is that why you were so quiet?” Kai queried.

It wasn’t unheard of for Soobin to be quiet. He’s a naturally shy and soft spoken person, but that day was different. There was a different kind of silence that befell over him that Kai couldn’t quite place in the moment.

Soobin really didn’t feel the need to answer his question as it was quite obvious what he would say. “There was something about meeting them that felt so real. L-Like,” he began to stumble over his words, “it was them—the BTS. And then I just started thinking. . . our debut is in, what, a few months? That’s terrifying!” It was getting clearer that he was beginning to get more panicky the more he talked.

“How are we supposed to compare? They’re going on a tour in like a month and nobody even knows we exist yet! Even when BigHit does announce us what if nobody cares? What if nobody wants us because they already have Bangtan. There so many what ifs and it’s just so loud in my head. I can’t stop thinking and there’s always something, there’s always a bigger fish looming in the back of my thoughts. I’m tired, and scared, and anxious, and panicky, and... and I-I don’t know what to do or what I’m doing and it’s jus-”

Not wanting to hear any more of Soobin’s tangent Taehyun grabbed his hand and squeezed. Soobin blinked and looked over at him, slightly dazed. His chest rose and fell rapidly almost matching the speed at which his heart was pumping.

“Soobin-hyung, please, just stop and breathe,” he said. Taehyun had seen this before, the beginnings of a panic attack that is. His older brother had struggled with them a bit when they were younger. “Copy after me, okay?” he instructed, taking a deep breath and letting it out and repeating.

It took Soobin a while before he actually got the hang of it but once he did he, surprisingly, could feel himself regaining his breath back.

For a moment Beomgyu could feel himself smiling. It was pretty well known throughout the group how Taehyun always seemed to be the most mature of the 5, even Yeonjun agreed and he thought himself to be the best at everything. It was one of the things that Taehyun admired about him, but that’s not saying much since there were a lot of things he admired about him.

Suddenly, he got the itching urge to say something. He wanted to help too. Seeing Soobin like this wasn’t something he—and he was sure nobody else—enjoyed.

“Hyung, we’re not them,” he said suddenly.

Soobin looked over at him, not quite sure about what he said as the drumming in his ears had only just started to calm down. “Huh?”

“We’re not them. We’re not BTS, and we’ll never be them,” he said. Beomgyu scooted forward to the edge of where he was sitting on the couch, trying to be as close to Soobin as possible. “We’re Choi Soobin, Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu, Kang Taehyun, and Huening Kai. We’re TXT and that’s okay,” he said with a small smile, hoping that his point would get across.

“He’s right. Comparing ourselves to them would set us up for failure. Comparing ourselves to anybody would do just about the same,” Yeonjun picked up where he left off.

Kai bounced in his seat slightly. “Yeah!” he said. His volume was a bit loud considering how early it was, but he didn’t really notice and neither did the other members so it seemed. “We can’t really tell what will happen in the future, and that’s okay. We’ll just have to do our best to make sure we’re the best.”

Taehyun took this as his sign to finish it off. “Look, I know that you can’t control your anxieties, neither can we. I’m pretty sure we’ve all felt the same way you have even before this point, but you can’t do this alone.” His eyes didn’t really meet Soobin’s instead he focused on their intertwined hands as he rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand. “Just . . . just don’t do this alone okay? That’s why we’re here. We’re all in this together, right?”

Soobin let his eyes drift around the room, jumping from one face to another. Sincerity laced their features and it was almost overwhelming, but in a good way this time, he thinks. His shoulders drooped with ease as their words began to set in fully. Maybe they were right, right?

“Right?” Taehyun asked, this time looking up at Soobin with those big puppy eyes that he knew nobody could really resist—no matter how hard they tried.

“Ah, right,” he managed out, a small smile just barely flicking its way onto his lips.

As he said that Kai took no time in getting up once more and attacking Soobin in a hug; this one being a bit more bone crushing than the last one. He grunted in response, surprised at the sudden contact. Of course everyone else took that as a sign to dog pile on Soobin again but this time much less gentle.

The tension in the air had finally began to dissipate and everyone could truly relax.

Of course their words didn’t completely fix all of his anxiety, but just knowing that they had each other to lean on and that he no longer had to result to stress eating in silence again was comforting enough to ease him for now.

Soobin laughed and tried his best to hug back.

“Uh, thanks for this,” he muttered. “Sorry to make you guys worry.”

Yeonjun scoffed. “It’s our job to worry about each other, don’t mention it.”

They all laughed, though  Kai cut them short. “Not that this wasn’t heart warming or anything, but, uh, are you good enough that we can go back to sleep now?”

“NingNing! You’re the one that woke us up!” Beomgyu laughed.

“I just wanted some water, I didn’t expect to find hyung eating! Plus we have practice tomorrow,” he whined.

Soobin had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing too loudly. “Yeah, I’m good now.”

**Author's Note:**

> this just in: i love choi soobin :(((


End file.
